The Constant State of Vulnerability

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Vulnerability is not about winning or losing. It’s having the courage to show up even when you can’t control the outcome - Brené Brown

In our class, we had to watch a particular TED video, and the first choice was coincidentally fitting my life and current situation. And to tell you the truth, it had my ears itching.

It was about…vulnerability.

Sometimes, we just get into a hole feeling entirely alone, and the thoughts of, “I’m not worthy… Can I really… No, I shouldn’t…” just rages on and revolts in our brain.

As a teenager, were in an age where we feel utterly vulnerable to emotional attacks and mental health problems; it’s become a practice to go in a state of continuous vulnerability.

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In high school, I was either below average or average in everything, and at that time, it ate me alive. Every day was a pain, and I was vulnerable, and I was afraid of disconnection, just like what Brené Browne said. I still distanced myself, which resulted in really being by myself with no one to talk to.

I had no one I could trust, and to this day, it’s still a problem I’m trying to fix – I have a better fortress now, though, thank God.

However, It was scarring.

Whenever I feel vulnerable, sad, to numb it out, I read depressing stories to cry it out and let it go, but it was unhealthy… and a weird practice I’ve been doing since high school. Nevertheless, just like me, my professor spoke on her past, which genuinely resonated with my complex thoughts. It gave me hope of what lies in store for me in the future in my professional career and personal life.

Watching the video made me realise 2 things:

1. it’s always the mindset

2. The nerve to be imperfect

So, I thought, “Oh, gosh, what am I gonna do?

Changing is tedious, but it’s a must. I need to follow up and communicate my problems, surround myself with people I know I can trust. And inevitably, I’m going to face more challenges; I need to be emotionally and mentally prepared.

Since I was never really able to talk to others about what I feel, being the first chosen to speak on the video was nerve-wracking. I couldn’t pile up my thoughts. But felt more reassured after speaking when my professor shared her experiences and when my classmates messaged me too giving words of encouragements.

This process is complex, but I must face it headstrong.

I need to accept the fact that I need to be imperfect. Life is hardwired for struggle, but that’s what makes the experience; it’s what makes me worthy of feeling belonged and appreciated.

I’m not alone in this journey of stopping this cycle of constant vulnerability.

We don’t have to do all of it alone. We were never meant to - Brené Brown

This blog is a compilation of my thoughts which I read or watched below. Check them out!

Recommended Readings/Videos

The Power of Vulnerability - Brené Brown

Being vulnerable about vulnerability: Q&A with Brené Brown - Ted Blog

5 Ways To Boost Your Mindset For Success - Ashley Stahl (Forbes)

Three Simple Strategies for Being Imperfect - Scott Livingston